Tuesday, April 25, 2017


Back to what I was saying about image it is not only with just tattoos its about who people see me with like I said whether it's friendships, family or relationships.

My friends and I are known as the "party" girls. It is the most annoying thing to hear, like yeah we do go out alot only because in Oklahoma it is so damn boring. People think we probably just party and sleep with people all the time and that's far from what we do.

We go out to get away from reality. Each one of us have fun for different reasons. Some are for loneliness, releasing stress, maybe hasn't gone out in awhile or maybe we like to have fun. Please sue us for being human.

So the next time you feel like you get judged for the people around you or for other reasons just remember, who gives a damn and you do you boo-boo.

My Body Not Yours.

Image means a lot to people and to me as well. It isn't something we are always proud of. It always connects with your reputation and how people see each other.

My family is always worried about what I do with the fear of it looking bad. They even say that the friends I have make it seem like I'm just like them. I can understand where that comes from because I judge people too by who they hangout with.

It's a nasty habit to have but we all do it.

It goes back to the whole tattoo thing. I haven't told my dad about having some already with the fear of being disowned. He already thinks I hate him and I don't I love him to death, but there are things we just don't see eye to eye about. He thinks girls with tattoos represent being dirty and not having respect for themselves because of what he has seen.

The last thing I want is for my parents to define me because I like to put art on my body.

Baggage Pt 2.

When I mean baggage not in a sick perverted way but the one that comes with a kid.

He had a kid at 18, while he was still in high school. So many people tell me that I don't need those problems in my life because I'm still young, but really a kid isn't a problem its a blessing.

He is the cutest,funniest, and sweetest kid in the world. I love him to death. Martinez and him are twins. 

It isn't weird when he calls me mom, not losing respect for his creator but I always tell Martinez " he only calls me that because he sees me with you." 

My friends always call me stepmom and make jokes and I honestly don't care it is a privilege to have someone you love, have their kid love you back. its' like a bonus. 

My dad is a little weird about it. Martinez is covered in tattoos and has a kid, not the traditional guy a Mexican girl's dad wants her to date, but I am slowly trying to get him to accept the little family I have. 

It will take time, for him to be more accepting like my mom, but he is trying both my boys are trying. 

Mi Army Boy.

I didn't realize how easy and difficult it would be to have someone so special in my life be in the army. Sometimes it's okay to have that distance to miss each other but then at times it is complete hell.

Martinez is his last name. I didn't meet up recently, he has actually been in my life for many years now just secretly. He has basically played a role in my life today. I met when I was 15, I didn't really pay any attention to him because I assumed he was a complete jock, only because he does love attention and on top of that a flirt.

I never thought him and I would become best friends, we text 24/7 and freak out when one of us doesn't reply, so if you haven't guessed it we love each other a little more than just friends. 

Part of us holds back from trying to date just because we already know one another past relationships and all the dirty little secrets it came with, but we want to "try". 

We do argue a lot due to trust issues, but yet it feels wrong when we don't speak.  He is the most prideful ass guy I've ever known and I am beyond stubborn. Not only that we don't like to be wrong. One of us always has to be right,and I always lose since I am more emotional than he is, but he's trying to change and I notice it but it seems like he is taking forever. 

We have a rule, the rule is to never let one of us go to sleep mad. Its not really a rule, but we can't hurt each other like that. We have been through hell and back and right back to hell and back again that giving up on each other is too easy, and it wouldn't be us if we did. 

He comes with baggage but who doesn't?

Mixed Feelings

Last day of Clark's class, literally in the room right now. Honestly one of the best/ easy classes in my life. I need more classes like this in my life. 

On the bright side school is almost over, which freaks me out because I've officially procrastinated to the MAX.  

Its crunch time.

p.s. Clark I probably failed the easiest test you just given us. 

Tuesday, April 18, 2017


Update on moving back in? HELL. Its so hard to go back to rules,curfew, and not being able to come home drunk off my ass. Its not why I left before you all think I'm some type of alcoholic but I mean the fun part of it. I can't even walk out of my house without getting the whole " where are you going?" or "what time are you coming back?" or the most annoying comment in the whole wide world "NOT TO LATE" like holy crap I'm about to be 22 and I literally feel like I'm 15 all over again. 

I love my parents so much don't without a doubt, but it is exhausting to feel like I'm even scared to ask for permission in fear of getting a no, which sadly I do get.. It becomes an argument on how I'm never home,all i think about is fun, blah blah blah , like yes mom and dad I do because of eventually I wont be able to. 

Maybe its the fear of me making mistakes, but the only way to learn from this is by making them. They will always feel the need to protect me and I know they are realizing they can't but are trying to keep as much of a grip on me as they can that I'm slowly slipping through their fingers. 

Word of advice, if you move out and know that eventually you might have to move back in with your parentals, enjoy living alone as much as you can. You will grow from it. 

Bigger than Big.

This past Sunday we had Easter with the family, It wasn't the normal way we celebrate this year, we had to make adjustments for my grandpa. He was too sick to leave the house and we didn't want to risk him getting anymore sick. On top of that we celebrated our grandma's birthday. 

It felt good to have half of the family from Mexico in town, it was good for him to feel like he wasn't alone and having half his grandchildren with him was like the best gift ever. 

As we sang happy birthday to our Abuelita Anita thats what we call her, my cousin Erick who is the oldest of the cousins on my dad's side announces that they have a baby on the way! This is the 1st grandchild of grandchild's child if that makes sense, but that wasn't the only announcement, my other baby cousin who is still in high school is also having a baby which announced my aunt in tears. 

My grandpa could not stop crying, not because he was upset but because finding out that our family is getting bigger and bigger was the best news he's ever heard. 

It was tough for our youngest cousin to look at us while my aunt announced it,but to us we finally realized that sometimes things happen and for the best of reasons. Not only is she and my cousin-n-law pregnant but they are almost 2 months apart. 

It was beautiful to find out on the day of Jesus's resurrection that two beautiful,strong, and amazing women are bringing life on to earth as well.